I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
