You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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