So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
