We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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