My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
