Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
