I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
