So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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