ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
