yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
