the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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