I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
