Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
