well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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