I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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