He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
