awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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