Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
