This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
