you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
