new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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