Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
