At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
