Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
