my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pants are for mortals
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
