I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
