Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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