I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
