K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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