I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
