You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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