Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
