i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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