i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
