No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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