It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
