Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
