Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
