I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
