There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
