I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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