im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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