Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
