I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
