In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
