nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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