I think I died a long time ago.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
