Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
