omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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