My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
