I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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