no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
