We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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