I'm drive I can fine osifer
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
