I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
