It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
