i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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