Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
