I faked an abortion last night.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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