I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
