When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
