I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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