Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
