my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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